Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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