These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
