and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
