dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
