'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
