I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
