Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
