My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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