The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
