So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
