I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
