So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
