At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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