just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
