You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
