So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize