Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
