Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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