dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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