then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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