I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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