I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
