I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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