Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
