Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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