Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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