She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
