I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
