Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
