I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
