I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
