Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
