soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
