so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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