John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
