So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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