you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize