oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
