I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
