Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
