This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
