i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
