You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
