I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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