I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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