captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
