The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
