We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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