Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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