It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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