I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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