I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
