My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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