Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
