The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
