Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
