from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
farters have to be the big spoon...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize