I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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