I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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