Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
