I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
