Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
