I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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