We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
