This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
