remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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