I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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