Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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