my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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