Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
