..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
50% drunk capacity currently
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
