i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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