on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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