some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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