So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
