nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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