i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
