well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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