I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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