im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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