I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
